Safe sex
Making love is only possible when both are ready. That is why it is important to talk about it together. After all, forced sex always leaves a bitter feeling.
Here you will find information about:
Go to the doctor yourself or with your partner or make an appointment with the gynecologist to have the most suitable contraceptive prescribed. Doctors know that sex is not an easy topic to discuss for many of their patients and are also bound by professional secrecy.
Contraceptives
All contraceptives discussed help prevent pregnancy .
But only the condom also protects against infection with sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). At least most of them. Because some STDs can be transmitted through blisters or wounds outside the vagina (e.g. in the mouth).
The male condom can be purchased in the supermarket or in a vending machine in a café or youth club. No doctor's prescription is required.
How does it work?
A condom is an elastic, rubber cover that is rolled over the boy's erect penis before intercourse . It catches the sperm so that it does not end up in the vagina. This prevents pregnancy. The condition is that the condom is applied before penetration , because the pre-cum (before the actual ejaculation) can already contain sperm cells.
A condom stretches and always fits perfectly. However, having sex with a condom does not feel the same as having sex without it. But a condom is so thin that it allows sufficient stimuli to pass through. Moreover, it is a shared responsibility to practice safe sex.
The condom offers good protection against pregnancy, provided it is used correctly . Please read the package leaflet carefully. In addition, it is the only form of contraception that also protects against STDs .
How do you choose?
Condoms come in different thicknesses and colors . A lubricated condom makes penetration easier.
The packaging must have a CE marking on it. This means that the condom meets European standards.
There is nothing wrong with always having a condom with you . It is better not to keep a condom in your wallet or pocket, as this can damage it. It's also best not to walk around with it for too long. After all, a condom has an expiration date , which is stated on each individual package.
Myths
- You can use a condom several times.
Wrong. A condom can only be used once. Even if no ejaculation occurred, a condom cannot be reused. - Putting two condoms on top of each other is safer.
Not true. On the contrary. The two then rub against each other and this increases the chance of leaks or cracks.
The female condom looks nothing like the male condom, although the principle is the same . The sperm is collected by the condom, so that it does not end up in the vagina and pregnancy is prevented. Like the regular condom, it provides protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases .
How does it work?
The female condom is a transparent bag with two rings. The inner ring is inserted into the vagina together with the bag. The outer ring remains out of the vagina and is slid over the labia. The advantage is that the woman can bring this up in advance , although it is of course still important to talk about it first and make the choice together.
Inserting a female condom may take some effort at first. Another disadvantage is that it sometimes creaks and rustles . In addition, the penis can easily slide next to the condom, making this contraceptive less safe . It is also more expensive than a male condom and is often only available to order .
The best-known and most popular contraceptive is undoubtedly the contraceptive pill, or simply the pill. Anyone who takes the pill correctly has almost 100% certainty that she will not become pregnant unintentionally.
How does it work?
The pill works on the basis of artificial hormones that are similar to the natural female hormones (estrogen and progestin). These ensure that an egg begins to mature in the ovaries every month, after which ovulation occurs and the egg descends to the uterus via the fallopian tube. The egg can become fertilized along the way.
The pill ensures that:
- no egg cell matures and no ovulation takes place: so there is no egg cell that can be fertilized along the way;
- the composition of the uterine lining changes, making it difficult for a fertilized egg to implant;
- the mucus in the cervix becomes thicker and less accessible to sperm cells.
Unfortunately, the pill does not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STDs). Only a condom is sufficient for this.
How do you choose?
The pill is only available with a doctor's prescription . Taking the pill from a friend or your mother is not a good idea. Every body is different.
There are pills with a higher or lower dose of hormones . The doctor will prescribe a pill that suits you best to prevent unpleasant side effects such as headaches or weight gain.
How do you use it?
- Read the package leaflet and check the expiry date. As with other medications, side effects can also occur when using the pill. If you have any complaints, always contact your doctor or pharmacist.
- Start taking the pill on the first day of menstruation . The pill is then immediately reliable. If you start at a different time, the first seven days are not safe and you must use a condom.
- As a rule, you take a pill 21 days in a row. Once the strip runs out, a pill-free week follows. It is during this week that you will experience bleeding, which is very similar to menstruation.
Very rarely, if the pill is used correctly, no bleeding will occur during the pill-free week. This is not alarming. If you are concerned about this, please contact your doctor or pharmacist.
- After seven days you start again.
- The pill protects against unwanted pregnancy all the time , including the week of bleeding.
Forgot a pill?
For the pill to work flawlessly, it is important that the hormones enter the bloodstream in a timely manner .
Forgetting a pill can happen. As long as there is no more than 36 hours between two pills, there is nothing to worry about . Anyone who normally takes the pill when they get up and only thinks about it in the afternoon that day is still safe.
If more than 36 hours have passed since the last pill, different rules apply.
- Take a pill that you have forgotten in the first week of the strip or taken a day too late at the start of a new strip, and continue with the strip. You are then no longer safe until the pill-free week. Condom use is a must.
- Take a pill, forget it in the second week , just continue taking it. The pill is still safe. If you want to be extra safe, use a condom.
- If you are forgetful, complete the strip in the third week and continue with the next strip without a week off. You can also stop immediately and start a new strip after seven days. In both cases, the pill continues to protect against pregnancy.
Severe diarrhea or vomiting can cause a malfunction. In that case you are no longer protected . Then err on the side of caution and use a condom.
Only benefits?
A woman can only enjoy carefree sex if she is sure that she will not become pregnant. The pill offers that guarantee .
But the pill has a major disadvantage: it does not protect against STDs in any way. Talk to your partner about safe sex, even if you are taking the pill, and use a condom if either of you has previously had sexual relations with someone else.
Some women find taking the pill every day a major challenge. Those who want the security of the pill, but are looking for a more user-friendly version, opt for a hormone rod. This is a stick the size of a matchstick without a head . It is applied under local anesthesia under the skin, on the inside of the upper arm.
Pros and cons
This form of contraception is very reliable . You cannot forget to take your pill and are protected against unwanted pregnancies for three years .
However, for protection against sexually transmitted diseases, you are dependent on a condom , just like with the pill.
Another possible disadvantage is that menstruation can change: the bleeding becomes less predictable . And a stick under the skin takes some getting used to .
The vaginal ring is inserted into the vagina and protects against pregnancy for four weeks .
The ring continuously releases a low dose of hormones . Because the vaginal wall contains many blood vessels, the hormones are absorbed directly into the bloodstream. This means that a much lower dose is sufficient than with the pill.
You insert the ring yourself and after three weeks you can easily remove it. Then there is a ring-free week, during which bleeding occurs. After this period, you apply a ring again for a period of three weeks.
Pros and cons
You don't feel the ring and it doesn't hinder you during sex. However, it is not enough to insert it just before. He must remain seated continuously for three weeks. You should also remember to remove it after three weeks.
However, condoms remain the only reliable solution against sexually transmitted diseases.
Injection pill
Anyone who is careless about taking the pill daily can also opt for the injection. This is a hormone injection that the doctor administers every three months and that protects you against pregnancy.
Band-Aid pill
The plaster pill is an adhesive plaster that protects against pregnancy. The patch secretes hormones that are absorbed into the body through the skin. Once a week, apply a patch to the upper arm, torso, lower abdomen or buttock for three weeks in a row . The fourth week is patch-free. Then you have light bleeding.
The patch pill protects against pregnancy but not against venereal diseases .
The plaster is water resistant . So you can just shower and swim. However, he is not really inconspicuous.
IUD
An IUD is a small, anchor-shaped object that is placed in the uterus by a gynecologist. Its insertion is easier after the birth of a child.
The IUD can remain in place for five years . It ensures that a fertilized egg cannot implant. It protects against pregnancy from the moment it is placed.
The IUD often makes menstruation heavier . It is therefore less suitable for those who suffer from excessive periods. And it does not protect against venereal diseases .
Hormone IUD
In addition to the regular IUD, there is also a hormone IUD. Just like with the pill, this hormone ensures that the mucus in the uterus becomes inaccessible to sperm cells. The difference is that the amount of hormone that enters the blood is much smaller than with the pill.
The hormone IUD is very reliable as protection against pregnancy, because it combines the effectiveness of the pill with that of the IUD. The hormone IUD can also remain in place for five years .
Compared to the regular IUD, a hormone IUD causes much less blood loss . Sometimes the blood loss even stops completely.
Natural methods
All natural methods of contraception such as the calendar method, temperature method, Billings method and Natural Family Planning are aimed at not having sexual intercourse on fertile days .
It is therefore important that you learn to recognize those days in the cycle . In principle, there are six days per cycle on which one can become pregnant: the day of ovulation and the five days before. At the time of ovulation, important changes occur, for example in body temperature, in the hormone pattern and in the permeability of the cervical mucus. To learn to apply these methods reliably, some organizations organize courses.
Although a combination of natural methods is quite reliable, it is not recommended for young people. After all, natural contraception requires sufficient familiarity with the body, experience and discipline.
Sterilization
Sterilization is the most drastic form of contraception.
During sterilization, the channels through which sperm cells pass in a man and egg cells in a woman are interrupted . In a woman, menstruation continues as normal and a man can continue to ejaculate, but the semen no longer contains sperm cells. Sterilization does not affect erection or desire for sex.
Sterilization is a permanent procedure and is difficult to reverse .
It is only applied to couples who no longer want or can have children . Even though it is an effective protection against pregnancy, it does not prevent venereal diseases.
Emergency pill
Anyone who had sex without contraception or used their contraceptive incorrectly can reduce the risk of pregnancy by taking the emergency pill . Even those who are not sure about the contraceptive they are using can take the emergency pill.
This pill is not a standard contraceptive. But as the name suggests, it is only for emergencies .
Just like the regular pill, the emergency pill contains artificial hormone . This causes ovulation to stop or be postponed and prevents an egg from being fertilized or implanting in the uterus. The emergency pill does not cause an abortion .
Two kinds
- With the classic emergency pill you have 72 hours (three days) .
- The sooner you take the emergency pill after sexual contact, the greater the chance that you can prevent a pregnancy. The emergency pill only protects if something has gone wrong in the past 72 hours, so not for the period that follows until the next menstruation. If you have new sexual contact during this period, contraception is necessary.
- The classic emergency pill is freely available in pharmacies. No doctor's prescription is required. The emergency pill is even free for people under the age of 21 . The pharmacist will recommend that you make an appointment with your GP to discuss a contraceptive method for the future.
- Relying on the emergency pill again and again is not a good idea since a contraceptive is more reliable as protection against pregnancy.
- The other emergency pill is only available with a doctor's prescription . It can be taken up to five days after having sex, so it gives you a little more time.
Still pregnant
If you do find yourself pregnant, you can talk about it with people you trust from your environment or with professional care providers such as the Youth Advice Center (JAC) or Pharafoon. You can contact them, simply to express your initial emotions, or to request further information or addresses for assistance. Specialized centers help you make a decision: whether to carry the pregnancy to term or terminate it.
The Faraphone can be reached on 016 38 69 50. At certain times you can also chat via www.faranet.be .
You can find the address of the JAC in your area at www.jac.be.
Prevent sexually transmitted diseases
You can prevent a sexually transmitted infection (STD) by using condoms and vaccination . With a (regular) STD test you avoid unknowingly spreading an STD further.
Do you want to leave out the condom? Then have both of you tested for STDs.
Also consider another form of contraception if you do not wish to become pregnant .
Take your precautions
Make sure you always have a condom at hand, even when you go out or travel.
To practice safe sex, you must avoid direct contact between bodily fluids (semen, vaginal fluid, blood, pus, etc.) and the mucous membranes of the vagina, penis, anus and mouth of yourself and your partner. Therefore use:
- a condom for vaginal sex ;
- a condom and water- or silicone-based lubricant for anal sex (the lubricant prevents difficult penetration, resulting in injuries to the mucous membranes and damage to the condom);
- a condom or dental dam (or cut open condom) for oral sex .
A condom and dental dam protect you against chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV and hepatitis B.
They also partially protect you against genital herpes, syphilis and genital warts. Because the lesions in these sexually transmitted infections (STDs) are not always completely covered by a condom, it does not provide sufficient protection. If you have one of these STDs, it is best to wait until the lesions have completely healed before having sex again.
Don't share sex toys
- Certain STDs (e.g. genital warts) are also transmitted by sharing sex toys.
- If you do this, make sure they are properly washed and disinfected and put a new condom on each time before switching partners.
Get tested
- Do you have a steady relationship, no other unprotected sexual contacts and do you want to have sex without a condom? Then have both tested first. This is the only way to be sure that you will not pass on STDs to each other. After all, it is quite possible that you have an STD without knowing it, because sometimes they cause no or only vague symptoms.
Get vaccinated
- There is a vaccine against hepatitis B and the human papilloma virus , which can cause cervical cancer and genital warts, among other things.
- Hepatitis B occurs more often in people who have frequent sexual contacts, especially in homosexuals who have not previously been vaccinated. Vaccination is strongly recommended for them.
- After vaccination you are still not protected against other STDs . It is therefore best to always use a condom and dental dam when having sex.
Inform your (former) partner
- If you have an STD or were at risk of an STD, it is important that you tell your new partner. Then you can take the right measures. In addition, get tested if you are not sure and get treatment if necessary.
- Notify your former bed partners if you discover that you have an STD. This way they can also be tested and treated if necessary.
- By speaking to your sex partners about an STD, you not only take care of your own health , but also that of others. This way you prevent a ping-pong effect, where an infection occurs alternately in one and the other.
Talking about sex
Talking about safe sex and contraceptives before sex helps prevent serious possible consequences such as unwanted pregnancy and infection with sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
Talking to your partner, parents or child about sex is not easy for many. Timidity and fear are the biggest barriers.
However, it is important to broach the theme. It can make young people more resilient, give partners a better sex life and prevent sexually transmitted diseases.
With an adolescent at home, you as a parent face many new challenges. When do you start talking about sex? How do you get started? And should you put a box of condoms in the bathroom?
How early do young people start?
Research shows that half of Flemish young people had already had sexual contacts at the age of eighteen . On average, that was at the age of fifteen. But you always have to be careful with statistics. A small percentage of young people start very early, for example at the age of thirteen. They bring the average down.
The fact that young people have been noticeably more involved in sex in recent years and are starting it earlier is certainly not true . We do see a decline across generations: today's young people are indeed having sex earlier than their grandparents did. But not much has changed in the last twenty years.
At what age does sex education start?
In fact, it is best to be as open as possible from an early age . If you were a toddler, don't just talk about obvious body parts such as arms, knees and toes, but also mention the penis or the slit. And if an eight-year-old asks where the children come from, feel free to explain.
Research shows that children do not absorb more than they can handle . By the way, you don't have to be afraid that this will cause them to start experimenting. Children who are raised openly usually start having sex a little later.
Should everyone talk openly about sex?
As a parent, do what you feel comfortable with . During puberty, young people develop as individuals and distance themselves from their parents. It is normal that they prefer not to share the details of their sex lives with their parents.
Leave a brochure or booklet about the theme lying around, and make it clear that they can always contact you with questions or problems .
How do you start a conversation about sex?
A television program or a movie can be a good reason . For example, if you see a fragment about a teenage pregnancy, ask your teenager what he or she thinks about it and what his or her friends think about it. The conversation can start from there.
How do you ensure that your teenager uses contraceptives?
Some teenagers are ashamed to buy condoms in the pharmacy. Or they don't have the money for it. You can solve this by putting a box of condoms in the bathroom . Don't keep track of how many are left in there. That has the opposite effect. You can suggest to your daughter that they go to the doctor together for a contraceptive.
Can you ban young people from having sex?
That is possible, but what signal do you give as a parent? It is best to agree on rules by mutual agreement . Everyone in the family should feel good about it. Know that young people who have sex in secret are much more likely to have unsafe sex .
If an accident does happen, push your own emotions to the background and try to be there for your son or daughter. The most important thing is that your teenager always feels supported by their parents.
Source: Katrien Vermeire, policy officer at Sensoa
Talking to your parents about relationships and sex is not always easy . Since every parent responds differently, there is no script to follow closely. A few tips can help you on your way.
Let your parents know that you want to talk about it
Parents are often open to a conversation, but they think their children don't want to talk about it.
You can just tell your parents that you want to talk about it. But there are also more subtle ways to get the message across. For example, you can use a photo from a magazine, an advertisement or a scene from a movie as a reason to start the conversation. Or you can mention a friend's love life to gauge what your parents think. Or ask your mother or father about their own experiences.
Asking your parents for advice doesn't mean you have to trust them with all your intimate secrets. You decide what information your parents need to help you.
Choose a moment when you are alone for a while
Don't have your conversations in a busy place where everyone can listen. It is also often easier to share intimate information or ask questions if you don't have to look at each other all the time. It is easy to avoid eye contact while doing the dishes, in the car or in a dark room.
Give your parents the necessary space
Just as it may not be easy for you to start this conversation, it may be difficult for your parents to respond. So give them the space to respond hesitantly and to adjust their opinion. Understand that negative reactions can also stem from concern .
When a conversation is not possible
If your parents are really not open to a conversation, there are also other people you can contact: a brother, sister, friend, teacher or supervisor from the youth movement.
Talking to your partner about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases is an important condition for a safe sex life .
In addition, talking to your partner also guarantees a better sex life . By discussing difficulties, frustrations, desires and sex techniques you get to know each other better and enjoy each other. Discussing norms and values can also be very helpful in a relationship. Can masturbate within your relationship? Are you okay with your partner watching porn? What do you understand by infidelity and how do you deal with it?
By talking about these things occasionally, a lot of arguments can be avoided afterwards.
Tips for a good conversation
- Choose the right conditions
Find a quiet moment and take your time for the conversation.
- Watch your word choice
Use I-messages (e.g. 'I would like...', 'I feel...'). These seem less accusatory than 'You are...' or 'You do...'. Find words that you feel comfortable with. After all, talking becomes more difficult if you do not dare or do not want to say certain words.
- Reassure your partner
Indicate that you will not react angrily. If your partner becomes angry, wait until this has passed before continuing the conversation.
- Be clear and specific
Say what you mean honestly and straight. This way you avoid misunderstandings.
- Be respectful
Don't force the conversation if your partner doesn't want to discuss a topic.
- Dare to be vulnerable
If you do this, your partner will also be more likely to do so.
- Listen actively to your partner
Show your partner that you think what he or she says is important.
- Show understanding
Show that you acknowledge your partner's feelings.
- Set boundaries and be assertive
You may not agree on everything. Accept comments from your partner, but also stand up for your own opinion.
- Express yourself positively
When you discuss difficulties and annoyances, let us know what you like about your partner.
